Frozen tears
by TsubasaSyaoforever
Summary: *spoilers* Subaru's thoughts on Seishiro, Kamui and Hokuto. Subaru's POV


The cold...................... it's so bitter................. all I want is to vanish, but it doesn't seem to want to let go of me........

I collapsed to the floor, shivering.

_Subaru, I love you. Don't leave me!_

Hokuto-chan's voice rang through my head, and tears sprang to my eyes. I could feel them trickling down my skin. They were the only warmth left.

Kamui's hand had been warm. It had been the only thing able to reach me, the only comfort I could truly feel.

Hokuto-chan's laugh had always warmed me, no matter what embarrassment was being caused to me at the time.

They were warm, so warm. But they were gone. Hokuto-chan had died for me. She had died in front of me. I can still feel the dream's glass as I watched her die.

Kamui was probably in despair. But I needed to pull away from him. I didn't want him to get hurt, not for me, not like Hokuto-chan. Why must I still cause people pain?

I'm not worth the pain. After everyone has suffered for me....... I end in cold, numbness reaching my very soul.

But........ Seishiro-san................ his blood had been the warmest. And that scared me. And it still does.

His blood on my hand, on my face. That was the first time I cried in a while, clutching his coat. I love him. I truly do.

My tears are flowing faster now. I think I'm trembling. I am trembling. All the ones that I love suffer because of me. And I can never protect anything.

I cried out. My head is spinning, it hurts so much. My chest is aching. Warmth........... warmth......... his hand........ her embrace........his blood......

It made me scream.

_Every morning, no matter how tired or exhausted you are, I want you to say 'good morning' to me. That alone will make me love you even more!_

_If anyone comes to call you a liar, I'll chase them away._

_Subaru, you shouldn't smoke, it's bad for your health._

Everyone I loved............ Everyone I _love_.......... I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to do anything!

My tears hit the carpet, matching the beginning rain outside. I felt so cold, and I shivered. I couldn't feel the ground beneath me, and it was becoming hard for me to see.

I closed my eyes and clamped my fists in my hair. I rocked back and forth, muttering.

"Everyone I love............. Everyone I love............. Everyone I love............." I muttered, trying to make the words calm me.

But there was a voice in my head that kept counteracting the words:

_You don't love them, you _can't _love. Your weak. You were never good for anything, anything at all. You can't love them, because they will never love you._

My tears were falling as tides, and my breaths became sharp and ragged. I wrapped my arms around myself.

I'm so cold............. I'm so cold............... I want the warmth................ I want any warmth............ I can't feel my soul..............

I rocked back and forth, sobbing, clutching my arms to warm myself.

"Seishiro-san.................Hokuto-chan.................Kamui..............."

I dug my nails into my skin. But there was no blood for me to feel. I raised my knees and buried my face in between them.

I hugged my knees, still sobbing with all my might. But I couldn't even feel the tears now. I can't feel their warm moisture on my cheeks.

I cried and cried, the night becoming deeper. I continued to cry, the rain becoming harder and harder, bashing against the windows.

I wanted to feel some warmth. _Any_ warmth. I wanted to feel something. I wanted someone's touch, I want anyone. Anyone.

But no one came. No matter how hard I called in my heart, no one came. I was alone, in the cold. And I couldn't stop crying.

I didn't dream that night. And I haven't dreamed since. I can't dream, because you have to love, to dream. You have to be able to love.

And I can't. There were no colours around me anymore, and my senses had abandoned me. And I couldn't feel my soul. I could only feel the cold.

I must be frozen.

***Sniff* That made me sad..... This was inspired by the song 'frozen' by Within Temptation. It fits Subby so well.........**

**I hope you enjoyed it. And I apologise so much if it made you cry! *Begins to cry a little herself***


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